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Excuses
BY DAN BURTINT. OFFICE -- DAYJOSH and his boss, WAYNE, stand among the cubicles, talking. Normal office activity surrounds them, with the occasional coworker walking past.Wayne holds up a crumpled,...
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My Muse Harland
BY DAN BURTMy muse Harland is in rehab. I knew it was only a matter of time, especially after his drunken plummet down the stairs last week. I heard the tumbling behind me, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk,...
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That's What I Thought
Sometimes I stare into space while drooling all over my "Disco is Alive!" vintage t-shirt. But that doesn't mean there's nothing going on in my noggin. There's plenty! Here's a small snippet.My...
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Memories of Granny
BY DAN BURTFADE IN:A large farmhouse with a vast front yard.EXT. FRONT PORCH – DAYGRANNY, 85, sits in a rocking chair gently rocking, bowl in lap, shelling peas. Voices and laughter are heard off...
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How to Stack Things
BY DAN BURTIn an effort to learn a fun, personally rewarding skill and to just get out of the house (my wife's request), I decided to take a class at the local community center. After researching the...
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That's What I Thought, Part II
BY DAN BURTYou know those brainsick bits and pieces people usually keep to themselves? Here's a few of mine that got loose.My church's musical program is alive and thriving thanks to the generosity of...
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Brainsick Bits, Or That's What I Thought Part III
BY DAN BURT I don't understand people who question why they have to learn something in school because they don't see using it ever again in life. Algebra, for instance. Sometimes I've used it, and I...
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That's What I Thought, Part IV
BY DAN BURTI'm going to put my math major skills to good use and develop a college class called Wild Ass Stats and Debate. It's a statistics course where we just make shit up, then quote the made-up...
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Highlights of the Presidential and Vice Presidential Debates
BY DAN BURTLet's face it: some people don't have time to watch two grown-ass men arguing about crap of no consequence to the rest of us. People have to get up early and go to work in the morning (or...
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My Trouble With Pets And Animals
BY DAN BURTSometimes pets and animals can be a pain in the ass. And when they are, I let everybody know about it. I post about it on Facebook, Twitter, and DMX Fan Club forums (until my account was...
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Fixing the Feng Shui in My Shorts: A Year of Brainsick Tweets From a Naive Idiot
BY DAN BURTDan recently released his hilarious e-book: Fixing the Feng Shui in My Shorts: A Year of Brainsick Tweets from a Naive Idiot. Below is an excerpt. You can purchase his book at Amazon,...
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The Day I Stopped Taking Shit From My Neighbor's Snowman
BY DAN BURTHatred for my neighbor began when his snowman took a crap on my lawn. I was in the kitchen having my morning coffee and a Slim Jim, when I looked out my window and saw the frozen bastard...
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Heckling Myself
Dan Burt lives in Alabama with his wife and two sons. He is an ardent bibliophile and military veteran, having served as a member of a special unit of the U.S. Air Force during the Reagan Revolution...
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